This weekend I flew out to Philly to see my girlfriends. One of them, O, is going through a very difficult divorce (actually, trying to go to mediation to work towards a divorce). Our other friend, BTT (I know she wanted a blog moniker so there it is), flew out from SF so we could spend the weekend with O and give her a chance to temporarily escape the drama in her life. (Btw, KP, if you are reading this, there is a REASON I thought you weren’t coming this weekend, which I won’t get into here. But I’m so sorry for the confusion!)
I had such a fantastic time this weekend (even though I came home so f’ing tired), but I came home sadder then ever. Not only because I miss my friends severely, but because after hearing the drama in O’s life, I wish we lived closer so we could support her more.
The drama is intensely insane. Of course, I won’t share her personal history with the world here, but just trust me when I say it is IN. SANE. If one of them was reincarnated or had amnesia, they could slap a silly name on it and sell it to CBS for some good afternoon soap time; it is that crazy. Or maybe I just lead a very boring life, which is probably also true.
Towards the end of the weekend, her hopefully Eventual-Ex (let’s call him EE) called her and said that he hoped that the three of us have a horrible car accident and f’ing DIE. As BTT wryly put it, “You mean he didn’t send his regards?”
This man was in our wedding — he stood as a groomsman for G. I am godmother (granted, a horrifically bad one, but still — godmother) to his daughter. BTT is godmother to his son. BTT is also married to one of his closest friends. (Except for G, we all went to high school together.)
Part of me just laughs at his comment, because well… we have to. Part of me is sickened and saddened by his comment. Who the fuck says shit like that?
I guess people in the deepest of despair. Which apparently, he is.
After G and the kids picked me up at the airport, I shared with G what EE said and then watched his face get steely and his jaw clench. When I laughed at the insanity of the comment, he loosened up but HE. WAS. PISSED. And yeah, probably a little sad too.
As I said, we were all once friends. Really good friends.
As horrible as EE is making O’s life right now, I could never wish this upon him. He has two kids who love him. I just would like him to leave her the fuck alone. Be a good dad. Get his shit together — for O’s sake, for his kids’ sake, for his own sake. The man is one of the smartest I will ever know. Princeton, HBS, working his way up Wall Street… Now he’s broken and delusional and misguided and blaming everyone else but himself for his problems.
The phrase that I often hear when his name comes up: “What a waste of potential.”
I’m not sure how O is dealing with it all. But as I told her, I haven’t seen her this happy in a really long time. Years. Maybe a decade. Obviously not with the drama, but with her decision to leave. Her resolve is incredible.
When she first told us she was planning on leaving him, I had a party in my head for about a week. I felt HIGH. Do you know what that feeling is — when you are so ecstatic that your friend’s marriage is coming to an end that your own body is releasing crack? That’s fucking unconditional love, man. Either that or sick friendship. But dude, I had many years of sadness being witness to that marriage. I love this girl and now I WANT HER TO BE FREE.
When friends try to plan with your family an ‘Emancipation of O’ intervention; when friends from high school whom you haven’t spoken to in awhile are concerned about your well-being; when friends jump up and down at their desks after receiving your email that you are getting out of your toxic marriage… O, you should know how much fucking unconditional love you have. We’re on your side. You deserve so much more than the last ten years. And it’s finally your turn.
Please say a little prayer or cross your fingers or whatever the hell your religion or non-religion calls you to do, that O (and all the others around the blog world dealing with divorce — you know who you are) finally get the life that she/they deserve. And that life would most certainly be without EE… except, of course, as her babies’ daddy. Let’s hope he can at least get his shit together enough to be her babies’ daddy. Is it really too much to ask?
I think it isn’t. EE, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
17 Comments
He said he hoped you three would die in a car crash? WTF? You need not say anymore about this man, who says shit like that? Craaazy. Good for your friend O for getting out of her toxic marriage. Best of luck to her, she’s lucky to have friends who care so much for her well being.
first off - i like the new site - maybe it’s not new, but i am just getting through second baby haze.
second - what a post to read as the haze clears?! divorce seems so difficult, especially with kids. i am glad O decided to take the tough road to save herself, and likely her babies. i will be thinking of her.
Sounds like several fathers out there are in need of a wake-up call. Glad you could be there for your friend… and that there’s a light at the end of her tunnel.
As a woman who has been through her own crazy divorce, and watching my own best friend from high school going through her own extremely crazy divorce (makes mine look like a cake walk) all I can say is thank heavens for girlfriends. You did your girl a huge service this weekend. Kudos.
I’m glad you were able to be there for your friend, and that she is getting away from him.
One of my closest friends went through a toxic marriage and ugly divorce a few years back, and I remember having a lot of those feelings you describe.
Good vibes to your friend.
Wow. What balls EE has. That’s just horrid. My thoughts are with her and her tots. At least she has such great friends! Go you for helping out.
Grrr. He couldn’t just let her have the weekend in peace, could he? Ugh - it is hard to see a person get to that level of desperation that he can’t even see how absurd his actions are…
I am glad she had her friends with her this weekend. Thank you for doing that.. and the call for prayers.
thank god for friends like you. I am sad and horrified by this EE and all the broken men who make life miserable.
EE needs some serious help. You’ve gotta be sick in the head to say such mean things like that. Good thing your friend has you. Everyone needs a halfmama in their lives.
That’s so wonderful that you were there for your friend, she is so lucky to have you and BTT to help her through this really awful time. The ex obviously has serious emotional issues, so sad that there are children involved. I really hope things don’t get even more ugly or out of control and your friend has a really smart and reasonable lawyer who doesn’t make a bad situation even worse. I used to work in a family law office and the lawyers there were great, but I know that some lawyers can definitely make things much worse by being confrontational and unreasonable.
WTF? The man (if he can even be be a called a man at this point) needs to get a grip on things and think of what really is important right now….his KIDS!
And, O…..YOU GO GIRL! She really is lucky to have friends like you.
Also….halfmama….I like the new website.
You’re such a good friend. O is lucky to have you.
I think EE needs serious help. As in he may be mentally ill. As in, I’m being perfectly serious.
ryc: thank you for the link to the twins freebies. I’m always open for free stuff!
What a sick bastard! He better watch what he says and wishes for because it could come back to bite HIS ass.
I’m sure your friend was touched that you were able to visit her during this rough time. And what a good friend you are.
Sad…
I’m guessing from your description that there is some sort of serious substance abuse going on, and if Wall Street related, probably cocaine. I’m also guessing that EEs in serious denial, maybe has some violent tendencies. (I’m not phishing for answers, just speculating.)
I’m glad your friend is strong enough to leave. With two kids, the decision couldn’t have come easily. I wish her the best of luck.
I don’t even know your friend and I’m so glad she is getting away from him. And she is lucky to have you by her side. I’ll be sending happy thoughts her way.
I can’t believe he said that. It must have taken a lot of restraint to keep from smacking him in the phase.
There has always been a ton of drama on my mom’s side of the family which is why I generally avoid spending too much time with them. It’s one big soap opera.
My brother has been a jerk lately. He lives with his divorced wife and is seeing some other woman who is seeing another married man. We tell my ex sister-n-law to kick him the hell out, but she is so stuck on him. He is someone else who needs to get their sh** together.