Bean and Buddy had their first soccer practice of the season a few days ago. What is it about watching your kids play sports for the first time that fills your heart with pride and totally hokey emotions? They’re chasing around a ball for f’s sake! (By the way, if you live in Chicago and haven’t done this yet, the Chicago Park District offers courses for all ages and it is CRAZY CHEAP. This eight-week soccer course for 3–5-year-olds cost us $10 each!)
Most of the parents sat on the gymnasium floor cheering on the kids. But one mom walked in holding her son’s hand, and didn’t let go almost the entire time. While Bean and Buddy waited their turn on a drill, this mom held her son’s hand and waited right alongside with them.
When it was this little boy’s turn, his mom finally released him. He did a great job slowly dribbling the ball around the cones and making his way back. As soon as he passed the last cone, his mom reached out and promptly picked his hand up again.
The coaches set up another drill: two rows of kids lined up opposite each other, and they kicked the ball back and forth to each other. At one point, I saw the little boy kick his ball (rather, his mom picked up his leg, and puppeted his kick for him). When it didn’t reach the other side, his mom, still holding his hand, jogged over to the ball and slowly dribbled the ball back for him. While he trailed next to her. You know, because she was holding his hand. (Did I say that she was still holding his hand?)
Okay. People. I am really trying not to judge here. I know I’m not being too successful. I just don’t understand it. Her son didn’t make a peep the entire time. He was fine for those few minutes she let go and he dribbled the ball by himself. He didn’t go running back to her (and there were some kids who did cry at the beginning of the practice when their parents walked away, which I totally understand). He didn’t throw a fit. He was completely calm the entire time he was there.
So please, before I go any further in my judging, can you please share with me what was going on here? Any theories? And don’t tell me that perhaps her son was clingy and she wanted to avoid a scene. He was FINE on his own for that short time. She could have sat ten feet away like the rest of us where he could have seen her the entire time. By the way, mama and son left after those two drills. I have no idea why. Maybe her hand was getting tired.
(Okay, so my judgment has a hard time holding back.)
This really has nothing to do with anything, but they were also Asian. Which made me just want to run up to her and shake her and say, “What are you doing? Didn’t your Asian parents teach you anything?”
I’m not sure about all of your Asian/Korean parents out there, but my Dad was a sink-or-swim type of parent. He was strict for sure, but he never hovered or helicoptered. When he taught me how to drive, he took me around a parking lot a couple of times, then after visiting my brother in Connecticut one day, tossed me the keys and made me drive the two hours home. On a stick. Which I had never driven before. While he slept. (My Dad, sister and I suffer severely from carcolepsy when we aren’t driving so I knew this was going to happen.)
Needless to say I’m not used to seeing an Asian parent cling to their child this way. And not to say that I don’t have my hovering moments on the playground. But lady! Let the boy go! I’m curious to see what happens when the kids have games. Is she going to run around with him holding his hand, kicking the ball for him?
So what are your theories? What could be a possible reason for this hand-holding business? Am I being too judgmental? Tell me. I can take it. Right now all I can think is that the son is not the one having a hard time letting go…
16 Comments
I’m sorry but that is totally weird. I HAVE clingy boys, and one that can be downright disruptive due to anxiety issues and I’ve never done this. I might be too quick to correct him or usher him out when he’s not behaving (because I know where it can go!) but there is a difference between even coddling a clingy child and just not letting them experience their own lives. I don’t know about the Asian aspect of it, except to say every kid I knew of Asian descent growing up did their thing without anyone holding their hand.
Buddy and Bean are adorable in their sports mode! We’re doing basketball this year…it’s totally a blast to watch these little people develop skills and confidence and have such fun while they do it. My little man is more about his moves on the “dance floor” than the court, but he’s still got the moves.
Hmmm, that does seem strange. But you never know. Maybe he is developmentallt delayed or something.
Your kids are adorable in those pictures. I’m thinking about putting Bella in the parks and recs soccer class here.
Buddy and Bean totally own that sport… seriously, how cool do they look in their soccer poses? Huh, huh?
Too funny that you mention ‘Korean parent’ - I know I get funny looks when I walk around museums and stores with LN trailing behind. Well, I am tempted to hold her hand at all times (I try to get my fill while she sleeps… creepy mommy!) but she wants her independence.
Like Rachel, my first guess was that maybe he’s developmentally delayed…? If not… huh… maybe first/only male heir in long line of one-son-onlys?
When we lived in Japan, we found there were mothers who tended to smother their kids, but most were anxious to make them self reliant. Some people thought that we coddled our six-year-old because we walked her to school in the mornings along a very busy road with no sidewalks. After an exhibitionist got caught twice along that same road, a lot of other parents started walking their kids to school too. We also refused to leave our kids home on their own, which is something a lot of Japanese parents do — not because they are bad parents, but because this is the norm: it’s tough to hire a babysitter all the time, and almost no one does this in Japan. We were seen as rather protective parents, just short of clingy.
When I was living in Chinatown, in San Francisco, though, I would say that 90% of the Asian kids there were definitely less coddled than their Caucasian counterparts.
I think she must own stock in a lot of pharmaceutical companies, so she is doing her level best to drive her son bat-shit crazy.
But seriously, I can’t think of any explanation for this other than she is a neurotic mess. If he were developmentally delayed, he couldn’t have done the drills as you saw him do it. Will be curious to know if they are back next week.
BTW, B&B are SO BIG!
I don’t have any ideas . . . but B&B are TOOO CUTE!
(my dad’s idea of teaching me to ride a bike: sit me on a bike, steady me and then let me go . . . down a slightly downhill street). Gotta love Korean parents!
The first thought I had when I read your post was “Autism.” There is either a developmental problem or an emotional problem on either one or both sides of that parent/child relationship. Perhaps they have had many attempts at this sort of activity, and all have resulted in him screaming hysterically and hurting himself… Perhaps he only agreed to come if she promised to stay with him… I’m sure she’d appreciate a person to talk to while you’re settling into the class. If her son really doesn’t “need” her, it may provide a distraction for her, so that she allows him some space. But if he really DOES need her, you may be given the answer as to why she’s being more than normally protective.
halfmama! thanks for diagnosing my disease. i, too, have carcolepsy. it started when i was a kid and i haven’t been able to shake it. sadly, i’m still afflicted when i’m the one driving if it’s 2 or 3 in the afternoon. d’oh!
btw, b & b rock the soc uniforms.
okay, their professional stance had me fooled. the rock the pose!
i’m officially retarded. i meant to write “they” rock the pose. i suck. three comments to convey one thought. i’m so old.
carcolepsy: my new favorite term. i suffer from it as well!
Love the photo of the twins, I think soccer is definitely one of the best team sports for kids. My daughter has been playing for five years and my son for two, they both love it.
Definitely a strange mama, as one commenter noted if he is developmentally delayed he probably wouldn’t be able to dribble the ball and do the other drills, so maybe there’s something else going on, like a psycho overprotective mother perhaps? Oooh, I’m judging…I know I’m going to hell but come on, leave the kid alone for a few seconds.
From someone who taught herself how to ride a bike, let’s just say I learned independence at an early age.
Watch out Beckham - B&B are cuttin’ loose!
And yeah, I’ve never seen a mom quite like that around here… Wonder if they’ll show up next week?
When I read about the little boy and his mom I thought “autism” or some other developmental delay like PDDNOS or something. I’ve seen kids who have autism and such and sometimes they need more *coaching* to participate because they can easily get overwhelmed or don’t know how to interact or their social skills aren’t quite up to speed. Sports and things like that are good for learning these skills.
wow! your story brought tears to my eyes.
i am a special education teacher, specializing in autism and developmental delays. i superimposed my students on the little soccer boy, and could see their mamas, hovering, hovering. that is what they do. it is so hard to let go. it is so hard to present yourself in public with a child who is not “typical.” it is so hard to get past the stares and looks, that maybe it was just huge enough for her that they were there. holding his hand may have been just as much for her as it was for him.
regardless, i am sure there is a story behind that scene. but please don’t ask that parent if her child is autistic! even if he is, that is not the most important thing about him at all.
LOVE THE SOCCER PICS. and i think its great that they are playing the greatest sport ever. GO FIRE future stars!