I welcome you to comment on my blog and agree or disagree with me, but if you wish to do so, I only ask that you don’t leave behind shit droppings replete with condescending, preachy tones. Let me explain something: I do not read your comment and then smack myself in the head and say, “DUH! Anon commenter number one is right! What is up with my lack of understanding? When will I EVER learn?” Nor do I read anon comment #2 and feel the need to immediately call camp and withdraw my son. While I appreciate your concerns (albeit phrased in the most derogatory of manners), it’s just rude. But at least now I have a post. So spanks… spanks a lot.
AC #1 (signed Cece): Are you bitter about something? Did I harm you in some way? Do I know you? I think the only thing I will look back on and be amazed about is the need for some people to criticize strangers in such a manner. Is there a reason why you want to make other people feel smaller when you know nothing about them? Truly, it’s bad manners. I mean, it did make me laugh, but I don’t believe that was your intent. I promise you that I won’t look back on this and be amazed at my lack of understanding. I know my son. You do not. And by the way, I don’t believe I was expressing any uncertainty about bringing my son to camp, so thanks, but there is no need to dispel anything. This is the second time you’ve had something to say about the way I think or parent. If you don’t like me or what I have to say, you can leave. I won’t be hurt. I swear.
AC #2 (signed Alissa F.): Sometimes our parents force us to do things. Sometimes we must force ourselves to do things as parents. In my opinion, learning independence at any age is important; perhaps, in your opinion it is not. To each her own. If my parents did not force me into things that I wasn’t ready for, I would still be living at home sucking my adult-sized thumb. I was sent to a boarding school at 14 and I may not have been ready for it, but as an adult, I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life. Some of my closest friends today are from that school. It shaped me into the person I am today. And I am forever indebted to my parents for ‘forcing’ me to attend, even though I know my mom cried and cried the whole way home after dropping me off, and even though I would call home and cry at times, completely homesick. You see, I understand that my parents were teaching me to be independent, and on top of that, providing me with an incredible opportunity. For that, it was worth any resistance.
I’m happy to hear that you have well-adjusted grandchildren. Hooray for you! (I’m sure this condescending tone is not winning me any points—you see how that backfires works?) If I took a moment to reciprocate judgement, I may wonder if your kids are too dependent and if you had a different approach than I about ‘forcing’ your kids to do things (e.g. dragging your kids while they are kicking and screaming). However, since I don’t know you, I’m not going to judge you or assume anything. I will hope that your kids did not learn to be as judgemental as you. Sheesh.
We (I am speaking for myself AND sffamilee here, who is my SIL) are good parents. Fuck that—we’re fucking kick-ass parents. My SIL is one of the best parents I know and if I could bottle her parenting skills I would do that and sell it for a lot of money and call it Skillz of the FingKASIL and I might have even offered you a discount had you been a bit nicer. It sounds like you could have used it when you were raising your young’uns (according to you). If you are implying that we could not possibly have well-adjusted children because we ‘force’ them to go to school or camp, I invite you to come see us in action. Seriously, we’re good. Our kids are sweet, compassionate, well-adjusted little people. In fact, we are complimented quite often on their behavior and their general dispositions. My kids and my nephews… well… they kind of kick ass. Really. I do not lie.
So. If you ACs (or anyone else for that matter) cannot comment in a more civil manner, I hereby cordially dis-invite you to my blog. No need to RSVP. I won’t get all up into your business and tell you all the things I think you are doing wrong to F up your own kids, grandkids, whatever (not that I can, since you either don’t have a blog that I can judge or you are posting sans links so as to leave no trail). Your kids, your family—do with them what you will; parent/grandparent however you wish to. I care not. Please reciprocate this favor, not only to myself but to anyone else’s blog where you have an urge to leave shit droppings. You have better things to do with your time, I promise. You can go home now and care about something else.
One final thing to you both though: Thank you, because there’s nothing like realizing the kind of shit lessons and manners that other parents pass along to their kids to make me think I’m the fucking Mother-of-the-Year. I’m awesome and I F’ING ROCK!
Sincerely,
halfmama
P.S. Obviously AC #1 and #2 don’t care because they have pre-conceived notions about the kind of parent I am, but to FingKASIL and other FTB (Friends of This Blog): The evening after Buddy told me he would “be hurt,” we attended Camp Orientation. We wanted to show the kids where they would be going and also introduce them to their teachers and their classroom. By the end, Buddy didn’t want to leave. And asked the next day when he would be going to camp. And again the next day. When I finally dropped them off for their first day, Buddy gave me a kiss goodbye and sat down happily for his new adventure in camp. Who would have thought that gentle easing could work for transitioning your kids to new things? To quote Cece: Duh!!
So I don’t believe he is too traumatized by my harsh parenting tactics. He seemed quite happy at pickup as well. Thank you, FingKASIL and FTB, for caring about Buddy (in a sincere and nice way). You guys have open-ended invitations to MY BLOG. And if you want to disagree, feel free! I know you will disagree respectfully. (Since, you know, you guys aren’t total douchebags.)
21 Comments
Oh…I’m spent. I need a cigarette. And I don’t even smoke. Really…it was that good. Great post, HalfMama.
But on a serious note, I need to talk with you about how you’ve gotten me hooked on these blogs. Blasted SIL!
Your “sister from another mister,” as you like to say.
Halfmama, well written. Bravo!
I’m seriously laughing my butt off! I was pretty surprised to read those comments on your previous post… While I’m sorry you have to deal with that crap, I love reading your responses. Amen, sister!
Btw, it sounds like Buddy’s going to have a kick-ass summer in camp! Kids that age are so easily scared of new things (foods, places, people, etc.) but you eased him right into it in a positive way. Seriously, what else would you do, keep him in a bubble for the rest of his life?
I like FOH - Friends of Halfmama. As in, FOH’shizzle! Pla-DOW!
Here’s what you’re forgetting: The web attracts people who have time to kill. Most of them have nothing to say. It’s unavoidable.
Great post! I’m so glad you didn’t just ignore those commenters and doubly glad that Buddy’s great camp experience is making them eat their words; as all the FOH knew he would. (I’m with Carol, I like FOH because I’d like to say FOH Shizzle. Reminds me of pho shizzle, which reminds me that I’m hungry.)
WOOHOO!! Love this post and the prior one as well…all of yours actually:)
I was also laughing my whole way through it, some folks never cease to amaze me.
so - not only backlogged on my own blogging but the reading too. good grief.
cece and alyssa are serious crack-ups. i can only imagine their “contribution” to a WOHM/ SAH discussion.
more importantly. buddy is sweet. as is SIL. good thing he and bean have such a goodhearted mommy w/ family to help him adjust to all those things they are CLEARLY not ready for and all those things you FORCE them into. just make sure to keep piano lessons out of their future. it may scar them. leave them un-adjusted.
Belated chime here… I was totally choked up about Buddy - read it at home and LN won’t let me comment (i.e. if I’m typing, she wants to come and type too… therefore illegible comment). So glad it worked out. Of course, having read you for a while and knowing that you ARE a kickass mommy, I had no doubt you were doing things at Buddy’s pace.
I’ve seen those names before. So I think they’re both lurkers in our community… trying to remember where I saw Cece… I know I’ve seen her comment before. Anon of course. Cowards. You know, we bare our lives and stand by our words. Obviously they don’t want to stand by their words. Judgemental hags. Grrr. Why can’t these losers find their own playground? Oh, probably because no one likes them anywhere. Might be because…um judge much?
Oh, BTW, Ji-in from Twice the Rice would post annoying anon commenter’s IP addresses… does blogger have that feature? It was funny - that kind of made them not so anonymous. Plus, we can check and compare… sometimes the anons turn out to be not so anon. Bwahhahahah
You tell ‘em, Halfmama!
“we’re fucking kick-ass parents” Now there’s a hallmark of a statement if I ever did see one. Zowie, girl. This is my first visit and it’s unreal how you “went off” over some dumbhead’s comments about your parenting! Seems to me if they are that far-off the mark, you could just ignore ‘em. Maybe next time do just that? And I sure hope it’s okay if I leave this as anonymous ‘cuz I don’t have a blog. Thanks. Lettie B.
Halfmama~~
You are awesome and you do rock! Glad you realize it and aren’t letting the losers with (as Dave said) time to kill and nothing to say get you down!
Dave: I know you’re right. But *I* have time to kill on the web. And I don’t leave shit behind me when I don’t necessarily agree with someone. I close the window and go on to the next blog. I don’t think it’s ever too late to try and teach manners. Even if it’s impossible, I can certainly try. At least on my own blog.
MN: Blogger (being free, and me being cheap) unfortunately doesn’t offer up the IP addresses. Carol sent me a workaround but I haven’t tried it out yet. Which sucks because it would have helped me with the following AC… (why do I get the feeling that Lettie B is Cece?)
AC/Lettie B: If you didn’t recognize that the kickass parents comment was tongue-in-cheek, then LEAVE. You missed the entire point of the post.
However, yes, I do kick ass. And I rock as well. ZOWIE!
Come over to wordpress… it offers IP addresses freely… I used Statcounter back when I did blogger but it doesn’t tell you the individual commenter’s IP address. Wordpress will give you the IP address of each and every commenter - keeps the cowards in check. If you want, I can forward Ji-in’s instructions - she helped me out when I made the switch.
And (obviously) Typepad offers that option as well.
Give ‘em hell, halfmama.
You rock
Help me out here folks! Although I agree that the anon commenters were being rather mean spirited, I don’t know how they differ from many of the comments being left on SVMB w/r Asians not participating in PTAs. It seems like a lot of those comments were also(as you so eloquently put it) “shit droppings replete with condescending, preachy tones”. I happen to be on halfmama’s side of the conversation, but I’m feeling awfully uncomfortable that only when I’m on the “correct” side of the conversation will I be shielded from being “condescending” or “preachy”. For example, when is racism really racism, and when is it just a poor choice of wording or a poor way of classifying? If I was in Katie’s (of SVMB) shoes, noticing that my 25% Asian school only had 5% Asian participation in PTA might I not have made a similar comment to Katie’s only to be insulated because I happen to be Asian?
Ok, many of you are going to point out the obvious. Anonymous comments are more likely to be in-flame-atory than constructive and Katie’s inopportune last sentence (”Welcome to America…”) left her with a big ol’ foot in her big ol’ mouth. But these are ultimately pretty nit-picky details. There are anon posters who are anon because they don’t blog (not really a “failing” in itself). Then there are people who are just not completely introspective about every sentence that they send into blogosphere (also not really a “failing” in itself). Being a hasty blogger does not a racist make. (Lord knows I’ve said some pretty stupid, easily misconstrued things in my day.)
How are we suppose to have real conversations in this environment?
MN: Hmmm… I might have to do that. I didn’t realize wordpress offered that. But, reprogramming the design sounds like a PITA. Not for me, but for G, who is my sidekick nerd. Har har. (JK G. You’re my HOT sidekick nerd. I wub.) Ok, I’m going to look into it.
Kady: I’m going to address your comment, but not now because I’m too tired. And possibly over at KMs. I’m not sure if everyone is too tired of this subject over there though. Anyone, anyone…?
Can I be honest here? Even if I’m being totally judgemental and jumping to conclusions? When I read those two anonymous comments, my immediate reaction was, “Oh no. Not another couple of stupid foul-mannered Attachment Parenters giving other AP’ers a bad name.” Personally, I’m sick of the holier-than-thou mentality of the really stupid ones who have the audacity to leave their stupid comments on other people’s blogs. They should just write their own stupid blogs and leave the rest of us alone. I swear, they remind me of fundamentalist evangelicals (and I should know cuz I come from that background).
I don’t know for sure those were AP moms. But c’mon. Let’s face it. They probabaly were.
And as an AP mom myself, I feel like how I used to feel when another fundie would come around spewing their twisted gospel vitriol at my non-fundie friends. I feel like throwing their Bibles back at them and telling them to f*ck off. Of course w/ the AP’ers, it would be The Baby Book or the Womanly Art of Breastfeedings (books I own in multiple copies and give out freely to my prego friends).
And what’s with that other anonymous commentor telling the owner of this blog what to do?
Don’t people realize there is a code of conduct when it comes to reading and commenting on other people’s blogs??!!! I just can’t stand such RUDENESS.
Oh, and now I’m being rude by leaving a blog post in someone else’s comment section, so I’ll stop.
Halfmama, you KICK ASS, and not just as a parent!
Kady, I’m going to copy and paste an email that Mama Nabi sent me in response to your comment. I’m doing this point and say, “Yeah, what SHE said!”
:::::
I think the distinction to be made here is that HM was attacked for a personal parenting decision whereas SVM blogger was being attacked for making generally offensive assumptions about other people.
HM was saying anything about other people - she was talking about a sad moment that her child had.
The apple and the orange of this comparison are one was a personal introspection and the other was an outward finger-pointing at a whole group, i.e. Asia is a big fucking continent and she lumped us all as FOB.
And no, I don’t think you’d been insulated by being Asian if you yourself had made the same comment. I do think you’re asking some valid questions… and I do agree that we need to be fair. Trust me, if I read something similar in tone written by an Asian American, I would have still been right there with a brand new asshole specially giftwrapped.
::::::::
Thanks, MN.
sierrajuliettromeo: Yes, EXACTLY, that’s the point of my (incredibly long) post. Some people are so RUDE. I don’t give a shit how anyone else parents (unless, of course, they are abusing them but that’s neither here nor there). If they have an opinion, fine. But do they need to be so freakin’ rude about it?
No manners, some people.
I spent the morning looking for articles on childhood obesity ( I have a “healthy” seven-year-old) and fortunately stumbled on your latest blog! I, too am now hooked. Besides, I love anyone who who will unabashedly curse to make a point.
Just wanted to stop by and say I love your stuff and don’t go changin’.