Speaking of phobias, I have a very unhealthy phobia of kidnappers and ped*philes as I’m sure, everyone does. This phobia affects me to the point where I can’t sleep at night. And according to Oprah and The Secret, I am only going to draw these criminals right to us which makes me even more paranoid. So I try very hard not to think about it. But in turn just think about it more. You understand the cycle.
A few weeks ago, we went to a playground. The playground is sandwiched between two walkups, so the back of the playground (where the swings are) abuts the alley behind the buildings. When the twins first got on the swings, I noticed a guy with a bucket and mop standing under a deck next door to us. He was pretending to work (no idea what the hell the bucket and mop was for). A few minutes later, I looked over and he had moved directly to the opposite side of the fence, was leaning against the mop, and staring at my kids in a dream-like state. WTF? I looked at him, trying to catch his eye to say, “Dude, I see you.” He caught my eye for a second, and kept staring, i.e. he completely ignored me. Which made him even creepier. He stared the whole time we were on the swings. I couldn’t take it anymore and finally got the kids off. As we walked away to the other side of the playground, I noticed an older guy approach slacker-creepy-guy and reprimand him for standing around and doing shit (besides leer at little kids).
I panicked for a moment and asked myself, “What the hell were we thinking, moving our kids into a city?” Because according to Family Watchdog, there is an offender approximately every two houses around our neighborhood. (Warning: after staring at that website for an hour, looking at disgusting face after disgusting face, I didn’t sleep well for several nights.) Then I had to relax myself because I love this city. I love our neighborhood. I love it here already. And remembered a story my friend told me once about growing up in a suburb and how a man in a car approached her and her two sisters while they were playing in their front yard and tried to get them in his car (he was, thankfully, unsuccessful). I know, unfortunately, this shit happens everywhere. And I know a lot of people who grew up in cities who are fine.
I have my eye on my kids at all times when we’re in public. If I lose sight of them for a second, I FREAK. OUT. Because they are on the other side of the playground behind that stupid slide that’s blocking my vision. And twins, upon entering a playground, tend to run in opposite directions. So I avoid large playgrounds. Large playgrounds give me an ulcer and someday I will have a stroke and have those damn large playgrounds to blame.
We haven’t yet started talking to the kids about strangers. I’m not quite sure where to start. Bean waves to every single person on the street: “Hi boy!” “Hi girls!” “Hi dog!” We need to reign the girl in. My parents fed me story after story growing up, not so much about “stranger danger” but just about not trusting anyone in general. (It’s the Korean paranoia rearing its ugly head.) I want to try and avoid that. But at what age do you start telling your kids about the ugliness in the world? And how do you do it effectively? Every time I read about a news station putting a fake kidnapper in front of kids (all kids who have been taught thoroughly about strangers) to try and lure them away, the kids fall for whatever line the kidnapper gives them. So why are they not learning what their parents/schools are trying to teach them and how do I make sure my kids listen to and hear me?
And… should I have said something to Creepy Guy in Playground?
9 Comments
You are NOT alone! I freak out if I’m with my kids and they leave my sight for a few seconds too. For me, it’s both the playground AND in stores. Adam Walsh’s face flashes in my head anytime Evie runs around a corner at the grocery store.
Like you, I know that it’s really a whole lot of paranoia and I can’t always be there, but it makes ME feel better when I am there. It’s kind of sad but my kids know that when mommy’s happy, everyone’s happy…er. I don’t think you should have talked to the creepy guy, but if you see him again in the same context, definitely.
For Evie we read her books about strangers early on (I haven’t really started with Sweet Pea, maybe because he’s a boy, and I’m sexist like that). The Berenstein Bears have a great stranger book and Sesame Street also has a great video on what to do if you’re lost. It’s crazy that crime stats have actually been falling over the last decade and a half or so, but still. I’m even more freaked out than my parents.
Law of Attraction. Law of Attraction. You bring into your world what you concentrate most on. I suggest you start thinking of other things, keep being protective of your children and stop, STOP, focusing on what-can-happen, what-could-happen, etc. etc. Seriously. Cece
Creepy, creepy… you make me want to hold Emmy tighter and hope that she never learns to run. I’m interested to see what people say about how/when to introduce these ideas to kids - I just stick to Em’s side like glue for the most part…
no, i’d stay the heck away from mr. creepy. there are so many freaks in this world. that kinda scares me to think about predators lurking out there. i remember getting whistles and stuff like starting when i was 8 or 9 walking home from school. i will never let my kids walk home by themselves. never.
Having had certain creepy things happen to me, I am always on alert mode. As soon as I walk into the room, playground, store, I scan the area for possible pervs, kidnappers, and anyone who doesn’t seem to have a child but is hanging around for no good reason.
That IS sad… but I feel better once I’ve assessed the environment. If that creepy guy is there again, maybe ask another parent what he/she thinks of the situation? Another thing that helps me is if I know that the other parents are also being vigilant.
I know, I am also a Law & Order addict and my motto is: “What would Det. Stabler do?”
honglien: Thank you for the book suggestions. I’m going to ‘amazon’ them (even though I hate amazon but that’s another post). And, I picture Adam Walsh all the time too.
How sad.
Cece: Law of Attraction–I know! But so much easier to say than do. I swear, it really is. I think it’s a gift that I don’t have. But I’ll keep working on it.
Superha: 8 or 9? Ugh! I still can’t believe that my parents would let me walk to my friends’ houses by myself. That freaks me out.
MN: I agree — meeting the other parents or at least seeing the same ones makes me feel better. I am hyper-aware of everyone who walks in the playground.
paranoia isn’t healthy? i have a strap on the handle bar of the stroller which i ALWAYS put around my wrist. b/c even before agpie could walk, i was afraid of someone coming and grabbing the stroller right out of my hands. now that she can walk, i seriously think about the leash. and, i am glad she was a late-walker. i can only take so much. fortunately, or unfortunately, agpie needs to get some braces on her ankles to strengthen her step - i feel like this will make her less desirable to the creepy folk… and that makes me a feel a little better (about the braces).
i too am getting the sesame dvd and bernstein book. right away.
oh - and one more thing - i think it’s more likely to happen in the suburbs. safety in numbers (and foot traffic).
Here are the links for the Berenstain Bears book and Sesame Street DVD in case others wanted to see what I used for my kids:
Sesame Street: Big Bird Get’s Lost
Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers
That is creepy!! But being me, I would’ve pulled out my camera to start taking snaps of the peeper to file a complaint with the local police, they like info like that.. so that way if he were to do something like that later on to someone, they would have a history on him…
Strength in numbers, playgroup/playdate…