Now that we’re (sort of) settling in, I am dedicating myself to getting my shit together and using my brain on things other than boxes and rearranging furniture and getting through to do lists. To start: this is a delayed response to everyone who has been commenting—thank you! I love seeing old and new commenters (who doesn’t?) and reading what you have to say; I especially loved reading what everyone wrote about their kids looking Asian vs. White (seriously—we need to start a colony). Love the group of online friends here I’ve never met! You guys kick ass.
So this is what’s on my mind lately: phobias. I’ve written before about my fear of birds, for which I have Alfred Hitchcock to thank. I know someone who has a fear of bicyclists—I believe because she was almost run over by one. G is freaked out by goats—because of a shower curtain he had growing up.
Lately Buddy has been scared of my hair dryer. Granted, it’s a powerful and noisy little sucker, but his reaction to it borders on ‘impending issue.’ The other day I was drying my hair in the bathroom and saw something out of the corner of my eye. Buddy was peering around the door. In a flash he scooted across the doorway and walked briskly down the hall. (No running!) Later, I had the dryer off for a moment and was just about to turn it back on when he walked cautiously into the bathroom and said, “Mommy, please don’t turn that—.” My finger, already at the ready, pushed the button on and he was out of there like he was being chased by wild hyenas.
(Shit, next time I need some peace and quiet I just need to hole myself up in a room with my hair dryer on and a stack of magazines! Who knew?)
Anyone else have any interesting/crazy/funny phobias? The most fascinating part to me is learning the root of them. My fear of birds is pretty nutty, I admit. Because besides picturing birds picking at my head, I also picture Fabio on the roller coaster. I remember when that was on the news, I turned to G and said, “SEE?” To which, I’m quite certain, he rolled his eyes. I mean, it’s Fabio, I know. But at least I’m not scared of goats.
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Here is where I share a few select recent interactions with the kids, because they are freaking funny. I know, this is SO mommy blog but I don’t care. I’m committed to my sappiness almost as much as I am to my cynicism. And I know I love reading about all your kids on your blogs and seeing their adorable pics. So here you go:
Bean, pointing to Buddy at the playground, says, “That’s my best friend, [Buddy].”
On a separate occasion: Bean, pointing to me, tells G, “That’s my best friend, Mom.”
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A few days ago I tell Buddy that he and Bean need to work out their argument over who-knows-what themselves. He leaves the kitchen, comes back a moment later and says, “Mom, I don’t want to work it out myselves.”
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When G comes home from work, I am more-or-less ‘off-duty.’ We eat dinner, and almost every night at the end of the meal, Bean turns to me and says, “Mom, I’m all done.” And every night, I make a gesture towards G and tell her, “Talk to the Big Man.” Whereupon she turns to G and says, “Big Man, I’m all done.”
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We are officially in the ‘why’ phase with Buddy. The only way to deflect the constant barrage of whys (per my very intelligent and f’ing kickass sister-in-law) is to offer an argument that makes no logical sense in his world. Then it’s like getting rid of hiccups; you wait for awhile in quiet anticipation, hoping it won’t start up again:
“Mommy, please I want to try that?” Points to my wine.
“No Buddy, I’m sorry, this is for me.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s my drink and you have your own drink.”
“Mommy, why?”
“Because you have your drink and I have my drink and Daddy has his and [Bean] has hers and we all have our own drinks.”
“Why?”
*sigh*
“Because if I let you drink it you will get drunk and pass out and then hug the toilet while you puke and you’ll probably get alcohol poisoning and later develop some toilet-related infection and then Child Social Services will come and ask me all kinds of questions and then the police will arrest me and I don’t want to go to jail for giving you some of my drink.”
[… pause… pensive contemplation… pause… then defeated acceptance…]
And we’re clear! (For a few minutes anyway.) Phew.
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Finally, on a more personal and cryptic note, this is for my other very intelligent and f’ing kickass sister- and brother-in-laws: good luck to you guys! We love you and we’re keeping our fingers crossed for you. We’re so glad to be here with you guys. (Now I feel like I’m signing your yearbook. So BFF and KIT and go kick some ass.)
12 Comments
myselves. so adorable. i love the big long explanation route. i’ll totally do that next time. thanks for the tip!
years ago when i was a news anchor, i actually had to read the script about the fabio debacle. i remember describing what happened to him and then glancing over at the video that was being broadcast during my voice over. i started laughing so hard i couldn’t continue reading. my co-anchor had to finish the sentence for me. ah, fabio. so unintentionally funny. i wish i had that video to show you. i gave the only copy of that away to a friend with whom i’ve lost touch. doh!
i have a fear of scissors… particularly of it getting too close to my eyes. i have a crazy taiwanese movie that my parents rented when i was a kid to thank for it.
fun post.
Nina, THAT is hysterical. I would have loved to see that video! Big bummer.
Scissors… awesome. What’s with our parents showing us these movies when we were kids?
That crazy Fabio… That happened at Busch Gardens; I grew up nearby and spent all of my senior year there, hanging out with friends. I laughed my butt off when this happened - and the ride he was on is a fine one!
And go on girl, be all mommy blogger and brag about the twins! We LOVE it!!!
hi there, I hopped over here from Hong Lien’s blog. I love your humorous way when you talk about your twins; your kids are so adorable as well. Regarding weird phobias, I actually have an irrational fear of the high-pitch sound you get from scratching balloons. I don’t even know why but the other week when I was on the bus, I sat next to a little boy and when he started scratching his balloon I really felt like popping it because I am really scared of the sound for some reason (a note of reassurance: I’m not that mean to kids so I didn’t actually pop his balloon). Anyway I guess it’s something similar to your Buddy’s fear of your hair dryer
Hey Kick @ss -Sister-in-law! This is one of your kick @ss sister-in-laws (you are a lucky girl to have so many!–must be the whole “birds of a feather flock together”—uugh–sorry—should of went with another example! Haaa!)…
Thanks for the cryptic message! We hear ya LOUD and CLEAR! Thanks for all your support! You ROCK and we could not have made it this far without you guys and all your encouragement! Not to mention your ability to let me vent and to shout in agreement exactly at all the right moments! Having you here is truly a “gift from the big guy in the sky”. Let’s hope your move has set off the universe in a tailspin and it is all good from here on out.
Much love!
Rock on!
The CraZy Sister-In-Law!
That “whys” story was really funny and made my morning.
Bella used to be terrified of all noisy appliances, and she still hates the hair dryer. I like your hiding in the closet idea. I’ll have to try that.
Love your answers! I always enjoy hearing what everyone’s kids are up to. So
to anyone who disses mommyblogging.
Outside of my irrational fear of spiders, I have an irrational fear of reflections in foggy bathroom mirrors. My parents just allowed me to watch WAY too many horror movies.
Bean is so adorable and Buddy just cracks me up. That’s exactly how Evie starts asking questions sometimes. Don’t you just love how the absolute complete truth of the matter can shut them up so quickly? And yes…a blink, it really does happen that fast.
And don’t forget:
2good
+2be
______
4gotten
stay sweet
UR really nice
See you at DQ
I am so lame!
What am I afraid of? Oh, so many things. So many. Dunno if I’m so much afraid of them or just feel afraid when I encounter them. Being late (although I often am, and know that I will not die). Bugs and creepycrawlies, even if they’re dead. Dead animals, like roadkill or once we saw a huge dead seal/walrus-y type thing washed up on the beach. I was terrified. Jellyfish in the ocean. Anything in the ocean. The ocean. Being trapped. Amusement park rides (refer to aforementioned Fabio incident, or the inevitable stories from Great America of people suspended upside down on the Batman ride). I could go on and on.
And bees! Scary bees! There was a really angry one in the taxi I was in Friday!
I am overwhelmed with joy to known as your “f-ing kickass sister-in-law.” From this moment on, I will answer only to FinKASIL. In fact, that will be my new blogger identity.
At our house, C has an irration fear of shorts. (the pants, not the films.) And B, well, he has no fear. He’s the one who’ll come home one day with a pierced lip and neck tattoo.
Oh…and BTW, I saw Fabio outside Moscone Center the idea. It was during a health/fitness convention. For reals. I shizz you not.
Hm, now I have an elevated fear of Fabio… strange. I’ve always had this unexplainable fear of snakes - can’t look or touch even a picture of a snake, can’t even say it without (brrrr) shuddering. icky, icky, icky.
There’s no shame in being a momma blog… as there’s no shame in profanity… (ahem). I am SOOOO going to try the longass explanation route when LN gets into the why stage.