How often do you tell your kid(s) that they’ve done a great job, or are ‘special?’ According to this article, ‘College Students Think They’re So Special,’ we are raising kids who are narcissistic and becoming part of ‘Generation Me.’ I found one quote particularly interesting: “Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism,” … “By its very name, MySpace encourages attention-seeking, as does YouTube.”
At first, I agreed with this. But then… here I am. Writing in my self-indulgent blog. About me. About my family. About my completely unrenowned thoughts.
Like anything else though, I believe in balance. I’ll teach my kids the values by which I live (link to more eloquent post about this by Honglien) while also setting limits. The obstacle I worry about is their peers. Who are all these kids on MySpace who collect strangers as friends? I find it so bizarre. And because I find it so bizarre, I feel like I’m completely losing touch with reality. I don’t understand it. I don’t like it. I don’t want my kids believing it or doing it. …Shit. I’m becoming my parents.
I worry about the fact that I can’t relate. And I picture my kids rolling their eyes when I tell them my walk-ten-miles-to-school stories: “When I was your age, I made my friends in school! In person! You don’t know these people! I don’t understand why you want to talk to them.”
But then… here I am again. With all of you and this great community of strangers I have found online.
Oh.
OOOOOOH. Okay. Got it.
Being a parent is scary. Because I have to admit things to myself and to other people. I have to make sure I’m not being a hypocrite. I have to make sure they make smart choices and think of others, and that they are not narcissistic. Basically, it’s scary because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and someday soon, my kids are going to realize that and then they’re going to show me who’s boss.
However, my belief is that telling your child he/she is special, or letting them have a virtual social life won’t make them narcissistic. What will contribute to narcissism is letting your kids get away with anything, giving them whatever they want, not setting any limits. Are there that many parents out there who do this that their kids need to have an article written about them?
Anyway. Is this narcissistic? Yesterday I turned on my webcam to iron my hair. That is, I USED MY COMPUTER AS A MIRROR. Okay, maybe not narcissistic, but I did feel like Narcissus. I also felt like a fucking genius, until I realized that… no, actually I’m just fucking pathetic. Because I wanted to be close to my IM and my email and my loverly concubine and my TiVo (close to my desk and currently in the running for Third Spouse). And if I don’t move soon my skin is going to graft onto this chair and then you’ll all be sorry when you are hit with more of my verbal diarrhea.
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Speaking of excrement… here’s an update on potty-training: we’re doing okay, actually. We’ve had very few accidents (I’m sure I’m cursing myself here). BUT. I could use a lesson in wiping asses effectively. Wiping asses must be on that list of things that other moms don’t talk about, like how breastfeeding can be extremely difficult and how fucking tired you will be for months after birth and I don’t care how much you love your baby(ies)—you are going to be ass-kicked tired and you will be Bill Murray in Groundhog Day living that unspoken reality over and over and over again.
Why doesn’t anyone talk about wiping asses? I got a good tip (I say good but we’re working on relatives here; we are talking about ass-wiping after all): have them bend over and touch their toes. The visual alone is seriously enough to go back to diapers. Plus my kids have beer guts and like to try and swing on my arm while I hold them over and my forearm starts to lose circulation and all the while they are asking, “See it? See my poop?” while trying to hang and swing and swerve and kick and twist around so they can examine their handiwork. Sometimes I give up and bring them back to the changing table so I can finish the job. Seriously. This is easier than diapers?
And what is with the poop fascination? Buddy took a dump last week and afterwards, both kids peered into the potty to examine his latest masterpiece.
Buddy: Look at my poop!
The Bean: Wow… That’s a big banana poop!
(Yes. It’s quite jaw-dropping that something like that could even come out of his body. I think it was taller than him and ready to play in the NBA.)
The other day, Buddy pooped again. Bean stepped up to the toilet, looked in and said, “Oooooooooh… That’s a-maaaaaaz-ing,” and then, “Good job Buddy!”
I liken this to one of those things I really don’t understand but have to accept. Like why all men blow their nose and then find the need to open the tissue and look at their snot. Like why all men, when sitting, find it necessary to lift a leg to fart. Like why all men burp and then like to blow it out of the sides of their mouths, usually in someone’s direction—which, I believe, defeats the whole purpose of this trick but they are so used to doing it that they don’t even know why the hell they do it in the first place.
Like I said. Just another one of those things I don’t understand.
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I’ll close this post on a much sweeter note, or rather, a less foul note. I just heard this exchange from downstairs:
Buddy: I’m tired. My tummy hurts.
Bean (runs up to him with sympathy): Do you need a hug?
*hug*
Buddy: Thank you, [Bean]. Thank you.
A few minutes later, Bean tries to come upstairs to retrieve something, but G calls her back down. She pouts on the stairs for a moment. I hear Buddy run by. She starts to head back down.
Bean: I need a hug. [Buddy], I need a hug.
He stops, returns, and happily obliges.
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At least they’re supportive of one another. For hugs or poops—they’re in it together.
13 Comments
you are damn hilarious. i should have figured. since r is such a silly-ass. i will call you for asswiping advice as in a year you will have surely figured it out for sure or you can just tell me to keep agpie in the diapers.
as for the webcam. i imagined cluttered mom watching. was the webcam on?
Hey, thanks for linking my post and for calling it “eloquent”. I take compliments where I can get ‘em being from a different generation than generation Me (ie the one where that one study showed that we worked longer AND harder than our forefathers but had the perception of being slackers).
Also, using a web cam isn’t narcissistic, it’s just practical in that it allows you to be near some of the things you care about most.
Regarding ass wiping, when first potty training it’s easier to use a two step method (at least for me it was). First, they should be still sitting on the potty, have them lean forward and almost hug their knees, reach under them from behind and wipe from their front to back with a very moist diaper wipe. Secondly, repeat wipe with regular toilet paper. This should remove any left overs from the first wipe and provide your little ones with nice clean dry bottoms.
I agree with Lien; we too use the wet wipe followed by toilet paper method. But remember - regular baby wipes aren’t flushable (so they say), so now you get to shell out more cash for those flushable toddler wipes. Btw, why do they all smell so damn fruity? The Huggies ones come in something like Blue Melon only… do I really need my daughter’s tush to smell like an over-ripe farmer’s market? Really?
Oh, I’m also stunned by the sizeable droppings in the ol’ potty chair. Wow.
On the ’special’ note, my coworkers and I have noticed that fresh-from-college new hires at work have gotten ridiculous in the past 3 or 4 years. They expect cushy hours, lots of benefits and other perks, yet hide as soon as you mention the possibility of overtime. Wimps! I agree that there’s nothing wrong with praising your kids for doing well - I think it’s all about the lack of limits and the overscheduling (or ‘helicopter’-ing) that’s everywhere nowadays. I see way too many moms in my mommy group trying to find / sign up for classes for every day of the week! Even with kids that are barely a year! And when their kids are playing or in class, those moms step in and do the activity as soon as the kid even gets slightly frustrated. What ever happened to letting a kid figure out something on their own? God forbid our kids grow up to be self-confident of their own skills or have self-motivation or creativity - what a crime!
(Okay, time to pry my butt from this chair - it’s too pretty outside to sit her with my computer… my loverly computer…)
I saw that article. I’ve read that too much praise is bad because kids can become overly dependent on it. On the other hand, I think every generation thinks the next is going to hell in a handbasket, so I try not to take those articles so seriously.
And I can’t really say anything about MySpace because I’ve just joined the parent equivalent, called Maya’s Mom. I do worry about my daughter using those websites, but I figure I’m web-savvy enough that I’ll be able to see what she’s up to, at least.
No butt-wiping advice. We aren’t quite there yet. Sigh.
(I just put ‘flushable toddler wet wipes’ on my shopping list! Only pee in the potty so far, poop still in diapers - nice ass wiping advices, though.)
I believe in self-awareness. Therefore, LN should be told that she is special. Of course, if she ruled the world, we’d all have more candy and chocolate, listen to “Hot Potato” all day and watch Elmo all night.
Whatever happened to basic parental common sense? I feel like we’re pulled apart by articles like these that either tell us to drown our children with ‘unconditional love’ or to starve them from any ego boosting for their own and society’s good. Everyone has theories… and, being a theory/research junkie, I often get confused.
I say, do what feels right for you, G, and the kids. From the looks of it, you’re all doing just fine, latest research or not!
Wow, congrats on the poopy!
agpie’s mom: Ha ha — CM actually wasn’t watching… nope, that was all just for me!
honglien and kim: I use the flushable toddler wipes too, but in reverse fashion. When I do it the other way I get toilet paper ‘lint’ stuck in their butts. I can’t believe I’m even writing about this. And I won’t go on about my really dumb issues with this too.
And yes, I wonder about the scent too. WTH? I stood in the store trying to sniff the packaging of those stupid things. But I guess having their butts smell like a big fruit bowl is better than them smelling like… well, ass.
Re: that article… like I said, I believe in balance. MN, I relate about being pulled apart– internally and with other moms.
I haven’t met a lot of other moms who believe in extremes. If I do, I tend not to hang out with them. From what I can tell, almost everyone I’ve met through blogs (i.e. all of you) don’t parent by extremes either. I was surprised that an article was written about a whole generation’s entitled or spoiled behavior. Most people I know don’t parent like this, so who/where are these people? I know they ARE out there, because I’ve met their kids, but a whole generation of them? That surprised me. There are always extremes I guess. And, like Kitchen Fire said, “…I think every generation thinks the next is going to hell in a handbasket, so I try not to take those articles so seriously.”
True, dat!
I love reading blogs written by and comments from toddler parents. It helps me start to think ahead about what’s to come with the twins.
Like everyone else, I think balance and moderation are key. If Maddie and Riley do something well, I praise them. I think it’s empty, meaningless praise that can be a problem. As for the sense of entitlement, I’m not convinced that comes from praise, but from teaching or not teaching other values.
We don’t need the toddler wipes yet, but I’m surprised that no one makes an unscented version. Blue Melon? Yuck! Although yes, better than, well, ass.
i do the touch your toes method of butt-wiping. its really not that horrible because i am facing her so i don’t get an “in your face” shot of her otherwise very cute bum - and you have a pretty good angle for the “front-to-back are you kidding me?” wipe. i wish i could get her to put her head on her knees while still on the toilet, its just that she finishes and jumps up and i usually find her shuffling around the bathroom with her pants around her ankles no matter how quick i am. (oh yeah, i am no longer welcome in the bathroom during poo-time, which makes for some interesting not to mention stressful moments.)
aah, back to lunch.
It is so nice to hear that someone else is as hopelessly addicted to the Internet as I am.
Loved the exchange between Buddy and Bean. Have you thought about putting “Free Hugs” signboards on them and setting them loose on the street? I bet they’d love it and so would everyone getting hugs from them.
I agree that praise for every little thing that kids do is counterproductive. Giving words of encouragement when you see a child is feeling vulnerable is positive rather than praising mundane tasks or accomplishments is how I view it. This topic reminds me of the movie “Meet The Fockers” and Gaylord’s Wall of Glory or whatever it’s called, the wall is covered with his mediocre achievements, I can’t remember the exact categories but,”Participant” ribbons for basket weaving, 8th place medals for finger painting, you get the picture, his parents went overboard trying to pump up his ego. As in most things, balance and moderation is important, even with praise, you can have too much.
So glad, I’m past the ass wiping stage! Good tips though!
Well, a normal amount of attention and compliment won’t drag them to narcissism.
oh your kids are just so cute.