Uh-oh. Kim has tagged me with the Six Weird Things meme. Since I’ve already written about my overloaded sense of smell, here are the other ‘weird’ (and as Beloved said, it’s all relative, right?) things I can think about myself:

1. I am somewhat of a germaphobe, but it is selective germaphobia. I’m totally paranoid in a public bathroom—more so than the normal human being (or so I’ve been told). Part of the reason I’ve held off on potty training is because the idea of bringing the kids into public bathrooms triggers my gag reflex. And then my mind wanders and I picture all the people who walk out without washing their hands, and that one time my friends and I walked into a bar bathroom and there was a pile of shit on the back of the toilet seat, and then I go on to remember Britney walking barefoot out of a gas station bathroom. And then I vomit a little in my mouth.

2. When I was younger, I would stay up all night reading, and it was somewhat of an obsession. I would lie on my side and hold the book with one hand, then lift my other arm straight up in the air so that when it dropped, I would hit myself and wake up. And then continue reading. These days, I still like to read or do crossword puzzles before bed. I’ll read until the book falls out of my hand, or the pencil drops on my face (G has pulled plenty of books off my face late at night. I like to believe he thinks it’s one of my endearing qualities). But thankfully I haven’t resorted to literary self-abuse in my adult years.

3. I don’t like other people’s feet touching me. Period.

4. I suffer from ornithophobia (a fear of birds). To be honest, I don’t really like anything flying towards me, but since I’m not usually in the vicinity of bats or flying fish, birds are at top of the list. It takes a lot of convincing for me to attend a picnic. And when we go to the beach, I am maniacal about exposed food. If I see someone near us setting up a grill like it’s the freakin’ Fourth of July, I immediately start packing up. A friend of mine once told me that during a picnic at the beach (oh horror of all horrors), a bird swooped down and grabbed the sandwich out of her three-year-old’s hands. This image gives me nightmares at night. I’m sure this phobia stems from watching The Birds at a young age. If I see a bird coming towards me, my mind dims to black and footage starts rolling of a black crow pecking at my skull; my brain unravelling and spilling out of my head like gray-mattered worms. Picture Isaac, the painter from Heroes, and his eyes rolling back when he paints the future. I’m pretty sure that’s how I look when a bird comes within 20 feet of me.

5. I like burnt toast. When I was little, I used to beg my mom to burn my toast for me, and she always refused. I don’t intentionally burn my toast anymore… not every time anyway.

6. For as long as I can remember, letters and numbers (in my mind) have had genders, colors, and personality traits. When I learned that this was not the norm, I—and the other people whom I shared this with—assumed it was due to an overactive imagination. But I recently discovered that there are others who do this, and it has a name: synesthesia. I think these characteristics helped me in math and spelling and I’m sure other subjects as well. Still—G thinks this is very weird.

(I know this only calls for six but…)
7. G wants me to add that I have freakishly strong forearms.

I’m tagging bokumbop, Mama Nabi, and my friend who I’m waiting on to start her blog. You know who you are. Stop pretending to file your papers. You and I both know you’re just cruising the Internet and waiting for your next visit from Meredith, Christine, and McDreamy. You officially have your first assignment. I would love to tag our other friend, but her baby is newer than yours, so I’m excusing her.

Bring it, people!