Every time I go to the grocery store, I see this and I can’t help it — I roll my eyes. Every time. And to no one in particular (or to G, if he’s with me). If I’m with the twins, I inexplicably rush them away so they aren’t exposed to the idiocy of this label. You know, because they are three and can’t read.
Someone please tell me who thought this was a good name? If you’re Asian and you’re like me, the first thing that pops into your head is, ‘That has white man written all over it.’ Perhaps it was Mickey Rooney from Breakfast At Tiffany’s.

Thank God for the internet. After a little research, I discovered that Allied Old English, Inc. came up with this brilliant name. From their website:

For over 50 years, Allied Old English, Inc. has been one of America’s leading manufacturers of bottled food products. From jams and jellies to Chinese mustard and southwestern salsa, we have done it all with accuracy and efficiency.

It’s not 100% clear whether they actually make the sauce or just manufacture it, but Wikipedia claims that they make the sauce. Regardless: “From jams and jellies to Chinese mustard and southwestern salsa…?” Those words shouldn’t even be listed in the same sentence. This stuff might be edible gold in a jar, but I don’t care. I can’t bring myself to buy it on sheer principle. It doesn’t matter anyway — someone is keeping them in business, because the shelves stay stocked with those Ah-So jars.

Thankfully, our grocery store also carries this:
Now, maybe I’m being unfair. But… dude, it says Soy Vay. Get it? That’s just straight-up funny shit. Maybe it’s because G’s family is sorta-kinda-somewhat-Jewish. Maybe it’s because my sister-in-law is mostly-Jewish. Maybe it’s because I agree with others on the Asian/Jewish connection. Maybe it’s because it’s not branded with a made-up sound that is supposed to sum up a whole culture. Maybe because (according to Soy Vay and Rabbi Hollander) it’s Kosher!

I was relieved to learn from their website that this company is the brainchild of a Chinese girl and Jewish boy. Now to me, that’s legit-in-a-bottle. I haven’t tried all of their sauces, but their Wasabiyaki is fan-fucking-tastic. Our kids will eat anything marinated with this stuff. It reminds me a little of kalbi actually. Try it. If it’s not available near you, let me know and I’ll send one to you. Because everyone should experience this amalgam of Asian and Jewish tastiness. It’s not just a theory. Or a coincidence. It’s Soy Vay good. And, it’s Kosher. What more can you ask for?

(I promise I have nothing to do with this company. But that name… it gets me every time. Plus, it really is good.)