from How To Date An Asian Woman:
“Have you dreamed of making love to an Asian Woman?
Stop DREAMING and make that fantasy come true!”

(I found this on Twice the Rice, who apparently read about it on angry asian man. Spread the love people!)

I’m married to a wonderful, gorgeous man who happens to be white. Thankfully he has never been one of these guys. I’ve met these guys before. Ew.

We met a guy once who was dating a Chinese girl. She was very sweet, but she barely spoke English. As far as I could tell, he did all of the talking. I’m not sure how they communicated. He owned a collection of kimonos that he wore around his one-bedroom apartment as if he was Hugh wearing silk robes around the Manse. He collected Japanese animé videos and had more knowledge of Asian history than my Dad. He offered us sake in little sake cups on his freak sake tray while we sat on his La-Z-Boy couch. (Apparently he couldn’t take that final step and sit on the floor.)

I couldn’t take this guy. And if you know me, you know I have a hard time hiding my disdain. Especially if you’re creepy. He thought he would like me because I was Asian. He tried to impress me with his knowledge and conversation about Korean arts, movies. I responded by staring at him like I didn’t know what he was talking about (because I didn’t). By the end of the evening, he was defending his love of all things Asian, especially women. He didn’t like me. The feeling was mutual.

My husband laughed the whole way home. I don’t think he had ever met one of these freaks before; the ones who try and pick you up by telling you they love kimchi, or saying “Ko-nee-chi-wa/Nee-how/Ah-nyung-ha-se-yo,” then eagerly await praise for knowing one foreign word, and not even knowing it well.

Ew.

I will say I agree with one thing from How To Date An Asian Woman. And it’s this piece of golden advice, in all of its wonderfully written prose:
“We asks you to forget your creativity (which just looks like blundering around to her) and all of your preconceptions (which just looks like racism to her) by revealing:
…
• Why you must always wear clean socks”

Yeah, you read it right. You want me? Dude, get on some clean socks. Yeah, that’s hot. Oh baby. Because you know only Asian women like clean socks on their men…